Sunday, August 5, 2012

I'm A Big Kid Now...Right?

So, you'd think moving into an off campus apartment and publishing a novel would suddenly qualify me as an adult, right? I mean, I'm almost twenty (I'm still 19 years old and hanging on to my teens as long as possible) so I should feel older, more mature, more grown up.

Um, no. I still feel a bit like the kid I once was when I was a freshman. I'm a sophomore in college now, Co-Candidate Mentor of my sorority, an editor for my university's literary journal, and a published author with her first novel on its way to publication all while writing another book.

But even with all of these blessings and responsibilities, I still feel insecure and constantly asking God, "Is this right? Is this Your will?"

Of course, I need to just breathe, enjoy the ride, and trust God and His plan for my life. But it does get hard sometimes. One day I feel like an adult, but then the next day I just want to crawl back home and let my Mom take care of me. I just want to be a little kid again and slow down this whole growing up thing (Yes, I do realize I sound a lot like Taylor Swift or those kids from High School Musical 3. Don't judge me.)

But I suppose that's life, right? I know growing up is going to happen. Nothing is stopping it. It's the way God intended life to go.

But I do have an escape. An escape that a lot of my peers don't. I write. I write to escape the insecurities and reality of life when I need to. Writing has a way of calming me and in a way, it's a protection. I don't ever have to fully grow up or give up my childhood because I have the privilege of living it all over again through my characters' eyes.

Adeline and the other beautiful characters God has blessed me with keep me grounded in who I was and who I'm becoming. So, I need to breathe and trust this process of life. It all has a greater purpose that one day will become clear. But for now, I can be both the adult and the child. And I think this is exactly as God intended.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will." Romans 12:2

I think I have.